Entry #16
This series was originally published on my socials in 2021. My beliefs and opinions have changed in some ways since then, but these words are still meaningful and relevant to who I am and what I believe today.
I’ve had this same conversation about 942 times.
Before moving forward, I want to be clear: debate is not welcome in the comments here.
It’s not that I don’t welcome your questions or pushback, it’s that THIS is not the place for it. I refuse to have anyone from the LGBTQ+ community come to my page and feel triggered by trauma and pain all over again because of that rhetoric. This space will NOT be used to harm and reject in the name of “truth.” Any comment of that nature will be deleted. No questions asked.
Here is... a conversation between my conservative friends and me about the LGBTQ community (both of whom, I love dearly)...
Friends: So is homosexuality your biggest hang up with all this?
Me: Not the only one, but that’s a big one. The way the church talks about, votes against, and has treated the whole LGBTQ community is hard for me. I’ve gotten to the point the last few years, hearing people’s stories of their experiences of being gay growing up in the evangelical church, that I just can’t imagine THIS being God’s plan. People are DYING. Literally, gay and transgender human beings are killing themselves over this and have been for decades. Their blood is on our hands. Marriages and families are being destroyed because men and women are repressing desires that can’t be repressed. This CAN’T BE God’s desire for us.
Them: But do you not think it’s a sin?
Me: To my understanding, sin is anything that separates me from God. It’s also a term the Bible uses to define anything God wants to protect us from throughout our life here on earth. The things identified as “sin” in the Bible all refer to actions that can/will lead to (eventual) destruction or harm to us or others. Drunkenness? Check. Adultery? Check. Lying? Trading Slaves? Murder? Check, check, check. But a loving relationship between two consenting adults? I can’t figure out for the life of me what God could possibly be protecting them from. I think FAR MORE damage and hurt and destruction has been done because of the church's hard stance on this than has ever been done because of someone's sexuality. The trauma we have caused looks far more like sin (good trees bear good fruit ... that ain't good fruit) than their sexual preferences. And as far as being separated from God... I think the only thing that’s been doing that is us.
Them: But what about the parts of scripture that directly condemn it? Doesn’t that seem pretty clear?
Me: Well, it’s not as clear as you might think. The word “homosexuality/homosexuals” didn’t even appear in the bible until 1946. Before then, the Greek word “malakoi” that’s found in the verses in 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy was interpreted to mean “rape,” “pedophilia,” or “sodomy.” The other two or three instances are also widely debated as contextual and cultural—which begs the question, if many Jesus-following, Bible-loving scholars have come to different conclusions on this, why would we err on the side of exclusion? We’ve figured out how to work around divorce, something Jesus himself spoke on in the Sermon on the Mount (while being silent on homosexuality), but we still hold so tightly to this. Why? I think it has a lot more to do with the psychology of disgust (check out Richard Beck’s work on that) than it actually does with scripture. The more I read the Bible, specifically the Gospels, the more I see laws the Pharisees saw as biblical, black and white, rules they used to exclude and condemn, being categorically denounced by Jesus. He describes the “Sabbath being made for man. Not man for the Sabbath.” He’s saying God didn’t put rules in place to trap or corner or test us but to protect and guide us to a more full, more satisfying life. I don’t know that gay people in the church community have ever felt that their life became more full by the condemnation or judgment of the church. God has always been more concerned about our hearts than our behavior. Why are we so concerned about behavior, when so many in the LGBTQ community love Jesus and others fiercely.
Them: Well, I don’t think being gay is a sin. I think the act of it is, though. Just like I don’t think being an alcoholic is a sin—but acting on it is. If we are actively, knowingly living in sin, we are condemned. Romans 6 says, “Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?”
Me: So first off, don’t you think that’s the job of the Holy Spirit? To convict and sanctify us? If we trust that someone is in Christ, can we also trust they have their own Holy Spirit? That’s not our job. I agree we shouldn’t live in sin because it leads to our own destruction here on earth. I think God grieves that for us and wants to spare us. But I think pretty much all of us are living in some sort of sin, and yet our church doesn’t exclude us. Most of us check our phones while we drive when research has proven it’s unsafe for us and others. That would qualify as sin in the fact that we are putting our own desires before what’s best for us and others, in that we are impatient or even addicted. And we do it often. Dare I say, we live in that sin. If we die before repenting, would we still get to spend eternity with Jesus? Would his grace be sufficient for that? How do we get to choose what Jesus’ grace is sufficient for and what isn’t? Secondly, you would have to believe it’s a sin, which I don’t (see above). Thirdly, I see a difference in resisting temptation for alcohol and resisting a consensual, loving, life-giving relationship with another human being. One is a desire God places in every single one of us: human connection.
Them: But what about creation? God created us to procreate. Physiologically, it doesn’t make sense that God would create us as man and woman, and then desire us to be with someone of the same sex.
Me: That would mean that I read those passages in Genesis literally, which I don’t (and most Christians didn't either until very recently... but that's another topic for another time). I read it as a beautiful allegory describing our relationship with God and nature and our innate desire for self-awareness and agency. And as far as procreating, what if gay couples are God’s answer to something Jesus took very seriously: taking care of the orphans. What if he saw the unresponsiveness of the church to that very issue and said, “Well, if they won’t do it, I’ll find someone who will.” What if God is seeing the overpopulation of the planet, the unsustainability, the limited resources, the misuse of his gift and saying, I’ve got to slow this thing down? LITERALLY, I DON’T KNOW HIS WAYS OR HIS PLANS. I’m totally making stuff up. I’m just humbly saying, GOD’S WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN MINE. Maybe I don’t have to know all the answers and I should just be okay with not knowing.
Them: You might be getting a little carried away there. I don’t think God’s plan would include things that aren’t biblical.
Me: To me, taking care of orphans is much more Christlike than pushing a whole people group out of the church because of a lifestyle choice. But here’s the real question … one of my close friends is gay. She’s happily married to a woman. And she LOVES Jesus. So much. She was a ministry major in college and knows the Bible better than me and loves others better than me. Can you honestly tell me, that because she fell in love with someone and desired to spend a lifetime with her and married her, she is going to Hell?
Them: I don’t know. That’s between her and God.
Me: EXACTLY. Then why do we care? Why do we have to insert ourselves into their personal choices? Into their salvation? Why would we deprive them of this very basic need for love all the while relishing happily in our own? Why do we vote against them? What are we so afraid of? What are we trying to protect at their expense?
Them: I agree that the church has done a poor job of loving this community, but even Jesus told the woman at the well to “go and sin no more.” Sanctification is hard. It’s not a cake walk. Jesus tells us we are to “take up our cross and follow him.”
Me: But I think that has a lot more to do with our self-absorption and pride than it does with our sex lives. I think it always comes back to our hearts. Are we consumed by our own selfish desires? Self-denial is serving others, the last shall be first, washing our servants’ feet, committing to put others needs before our own. Not denying ourselves basic human needs.
Them: But I know someone that used to be gay and after finding Jesus they aren’t anymore.
Me: I hear you. But for every one of those stories, there’s 500 of failure. A religious organization that once specialized in gay-to-straight conversion therapies shut down because statistically they found it doesn’t work. In college, I attended a luncheon in which an LGBTQ Activism group was traveling around seeking open, loving conversations on Christian college campuses. I was so proud of ACU for hosting them. I remember sitting at a table with several gay guys and gals, listening to their stories, hearing their hearts. A couple of individuals from the group spoke to the entire room about their journeys of being gay in the church. Then, an ACU professor spoke in front of the entire group. She talked about living an active lesbian lifestyle, finding healing from past traumas through her relationship with Christ, and subsequently being freed from those desires. I remember afterwards the men and women at our table talking to me and the other students sitting with me, tearfully restrained in their pleas: “I respect that that is her story. But I also prayed for YEARS to be healed of these desires. I’ve lived for YEARS hating myself because I felt dirty and unlovable. Why would God answer her and not me? That is her story. But that doesn’t mean it’s everyone’s story.” AND HERE'S THE REAL KICKER -- that ACU professor is now fully affirming, married to a woman, and helping churches learn about inclusive theology through her ministry "CenterPeace." It's okay to change your mind.
Every conversation I’ve had about this has made me emotional, because if it feels so personally grievous to ME, I can’t even imagine the pain so many LGBTQ human beings with actual hearts and souls have felt from the church.
But just because I’m emotional about it, doesn't mean I’m unable to be objective. There are valid counter-arguments that I think most of those raised in the church have never been exposed to. That is why I share this conversation. Merely because I think for so many, they’ve never even thought the Bible could be seen a different way or that “Good Christians” with “good doctrine and theology” could hold a different view.
It’s time for the church to take steps toward healing the impossibly vast wounds we’ve caused this community. So it’s time for those with open minds and open hands to step into this arena and have real conversations. Not debates. Conversations.
Here are some good resources for those interested in delving deeper:
https://www.qchristian.org/resources/theology
https://www.bluebabiespink.com/
